“… between the Devil and the Horse”

This morning a man in cowboy hat signed off a dream with the words: “You godda decide between the devil and the horse”. Nothing more, just that. How selfish dream cowboys can be. Know what I mean? I don’t know what he meant. There I was, left in bed, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what he was going on about. For all I know it could be life-changing, and he didn’t get to the important bit. Now, I’ll never know. The rest of the dream melted into thin air, like they do.

Talking of melting into thin air, that reminds me, I’ve been thinking about aliens again. Not about the film Cowboys & Aliens, which I’ve never seen, despite its tantalising title, but real aliens and artificial intelligence. And then there’s the Royal Family, I’ve been thinking about them a lot too, not that I connect them with intelligence of any type. Some say it’s the inbreeding that does it.

Before I go off on a tangent, according to the world’s most intelligent being, Stephen Hawking, aliens are out to get us. Not that there’s any need to check your wardrobe or under the bed just yet. Unless, that is, you follow the David Icke school thought and believe the Royal Family are all aliens. Then they’e already here, but haven’t got round to your particular bed. Having said that, Icke and his followers aren’t so alone in thinking Prince Philip is not quite of this world. A religious sect on the faraway island of Vanuatu, located in the South Pacific, worship the prince – aka the Duke of Edinburgh – as a divine being. Divine goes way too far to my mind, but there’s no accounting for taste. Holding on to that pointless distraction, perhaps the citizens of Edinburgh might worship him a bit more if he moved to faraway Vanuatu.

I seem to have drifted away from the theme, so where was I? Ah yes, not so long ago on of the greatest brains in the world, Stephen Hawking, suggested aliens might pose a deadly threat to the human race. Talk about South Pacific cultists, what has he been on? So what have we got that would be worth spending all those light years getting here? Use your great brain, Prof, if they want come and destroy us, they might as well save themselves the trip. Because, the way things are going, looks like we’ll have done that long before they get here. I ask you, how did he get voted the brainiest bloke on the planet?

Still, say aliens don’t want to zap us all dead, what else might they want once they land? I’ve been batting my brains to work out what there could be on Earth that might be better than stuff on all the other millions of enchanting planets dotted around the universe. I think it all boils down to taste. We might taste nice. But not so nice it’d be worth coming all that way for. Tattoo Annie’s on the Six Hills Road used to do a blinding bacon sandwich back in the 1960s but I wouldn’t go more than ten miles for one. Though I might if I had a time machine.

Even if the aliens had found a way to teleport themselves through black holes to cut the journey into micro seconds, is it really the only place in the universe an alien can think of to go? I mean, do some aliens really fancy a fortnight in Brighton that much? I mean if they’re intelligent enough to get here, they must be intelligent enough not to come.

What was I ranting on about? A man in a cowboy hat. Yes, that was it. There he was with this straw sticking out of the corner of his mouth, speaking in this Texan drawl, “You godda decide between the devil and the horse”. It’s got me stumped, I can tell you. Anybody with any ideas, just leave a comment.

Advertisement