Bryan Hemming

short stories, comment, articles, humour and photography

“… between the Devil and the Horse”


This morning a man in cowboy hat signed off a dream with the words: “You godda decide between the devil and the horse”. Nothing more, just that. How selfish dream cowboys can be. Know what I mean? I don’t know what he meant. There I was, left in bed, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what he was going on about. For all I know it could be life-changing, and he didn’t get to the important bit. Now, I’ll never know. The rest of the dream melted into thin air, like they do.

Talking of melting into thin air, that reminds me, I’ve been thinking about aliens again. Not about the film Cowboys & Aliens, which I’ve never seen, despite its tantalising title, but real aliens and artificial intelligence. And then there’s the Royal Family, I’ve been thinking about them a lot too, not that I connect them with intelligence of any type. Some say it’s the inbreeding that does it.

Before I go off on a tangent, according to the world’s most intelligent being, Stephen Hawking, aliens are out to get us. Not that there’s any need to check your wardrobe or under the bed just yet. Unless, that is, you follow the David Icke school thought and believe the Royal Family are all aliens. Then they’e already here, but haven’t got round to your particular bed. Having said that, Icke and his followers aren’t so alone in thinking Prince Philip is not quite of this world. A religious sect on the faraway island of Vanuatu, located in the South Pacific, worship the prince – aka the Duke of Edinburgh – as a divine being. Divine goes way too far to my mind, but there’s no accounting for taste. Holding on to that pointless distraction, perhaps the citizens of Edinburgh might worship him a bit more if he moved to faraway Vanuatu.

I seem to have drifted away from the theme, so where was I? Ah yes, not so long ago on of the greatest brains in the world, Stephen Hawking, suggested aliens might pose a deadly threat to the human race. Talk about South Pacific cultists, what has he been on? So what have we got that would be worth spending all those light years getting here? Use your great brain, Prof, if they want come and destroy us, they might as well save themselves the trip. Because, the way things are going, looks like we’ll have done that long before they get here. I ask you, how did he get voted the brainiest bloke on the planet?

Still, say aliens don’t want to zap us all dead, what else might they want once they land? I’ve been batting my brains to work out what there could be on Earth that might be better than stuff on all the other millions of enchanting planets dotted around the universe. I think it all boils down to taste. We might taste nice. But not so nice it’d be worth coming all that way for. Tattoo Annie’s on the Six Hills Road used to do a blinding bacon sandwich back in the 1960s but I wouldn’t go more than ten miles for one. Though I might if I had a time machine.

Even if the aliens had found a way to teleport themselves through black holes to cut the journey into micro seconds, is it really the only place in the universe an alien can think of to go? I mean, do some aliens really fancy a fortnight in Brighton that much? I mean if they’re intelligent enough to get here, they must be intelligent enough not to come.

What was I ranting on about? A man in a cowboy hat. Yes, that was it. There he was with this straw sticking out of the corner of his mouth, speaking in this Texan drawl, “You godda decide between the devil and the horse”. It’s got me stumped, I can tell you. Anybody with any ideas, just leave a comment.


4 comments on ““… between the Devil and the Horse”

  1. J.D. Riso
    January 18, 2017

    Ah, the convoluted and fascinating language of dreams. There are dream symbolism websites that can help clarify it, but it all comes down to what cowboy, devil, and horse mean to you personally. And the general emotion it provoked. It could also be that you ate or drank something that sent the neurons into a frenzy.

    I thought David Icke believed the Royal family were reptilians. I suppose there could be reptiles in outer space, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bryan Hemming
      January 19, 2017

      Icke believes the Royal Family, among many others, are reptiles from outer space, as far as I can make out.

      I’m with you on the dream thing. Though a side of me likes to think dreams are symbolic, another side of me tells me its my brain sorting out my memory files on its hard drive, which are really messed up.

      That particular dream most likely came out of a cocktail of something I ate and drank mixed with something I may have seen on TV.

      The last few months I’ve been particularly sensitive to my dreams, insofar as I remember dreaming far more often. A lot of my dreams have a lucid element in them, insofar as I can guide which path the dream takes to a certain extent.


      • J.D. Riso
        January 19, 2017

        I wonder what Icke’s dreams are like. 😱

        Liked by 1 person

  2. rangewriter
    January 15, 2017

    I think I’m dreaming, was that a nightmare? No, just one of those willy nilly ephemeral dreams that tries but can’t quite add up. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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This entry was posted on January 13, 2017 by in Articles, Humour.

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