Bryan Hemming

short stories, comment, articles, humour and photography

While others moan and rant, Jeremy Corbyn rocks

Einstein & Marx Brothers

Graphic – Bryan Hemming

You’ve got to love Albert Einstein. Nutty professor personified, he invented the atom bomb by mistake. I wish I could do stuff like that by scribbling on blackboards. Not invent the atom bomb by mistake. Not much point in that, he already did it.

To be fair, Einstein also invented the theory of relativity. I’m still trying to work what it’s for. But they weren’t the only things he gifted humanity. As well as mad hair, and a face that easily fits in with the Marx Brothers, he was the author of many amusing quips. I particularly like: “the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result.” Beat that Groucho!

Which brings me neatly round to the Labour Party leadership contest. Now, I know most people don’t automatically associate the Labour Party hierarchy with genius, or a burning desire to be identified with people named Marx, but there’s more than a few party supporters starting to question the party’s sanity. Especially when it comes to choosing party leaders.

Listening to Labour’s leading lights, you’d think the party had elected a string of leaders who went on to become prime minister. In the 115 years since the Labour Party was formed there have been six Labour prime ministers. Of those six, two didn’t lead the party into general elections. Over the same period the party appointed twenty different leaders. Out of four Labour leaders who became prime minister, as a direct result of general elections, just three achieved the position with overall majorities. As there have been 22 different prime ministers since 1900, it isn’t exactly a stunning number.

Not that you’d know any of that from the bilge spewing from Brewer’s Green HQ. Recent history reveals Labour have actually lost two elections in a row to one of the limpest candidates the Tories have ever fielded. You might’ve thought they’d have worked out it could’ve had something to do with the fact Labour’s candidates were so much limper.

But instead of thinking their habit of losing at the ballot box might be connected to the uninspiring leaders they keep choosing; the Labour leadership has reached the conclusion the party appeals to the wrong sort of people. Seen through their eyes, the Tories attract a far better class of voter. The sort with loads of wedge MPs aren’t ashamed to be seen hanging about Westminster bars with. Looking with jaundiced eyes at their own shabby legions of disenchanted core members and supporters, trampled down by years of austerity, they’ve concluded a large number drawn to the party are ‘morons’. I mean, not to sound snobbish, but most can’t even afford to get a round in. To nobody’s surprise many Tory supporters agree.

At this stage, some would argue who needs a Tory Party to defeat you when you have a Labour Party more than capable of defeating itself? Or should that be who needs a Labour Party?

Harriet Harman isn’t someone to be easily discouraged by the fact her party mainly attracts the kind of person most nice people regard as riff-raff. In order to deter their type, she’s decreed a purge. The plethora of applications for membership from lowlifes the party has received since Jeremy Corbyn was nominated as a candidate for leader, out of what can only be a case of misplaced sympathy, is about to be raked with a fine toothcomb. That should winnow the wheat from the chaff.

From this encouraging sign we can assume the selfless dedication normally attached to successful kamikaze pilots, has infused the party hierarchy with fresh idealism. Harman, and all the other candidates in competition with Jeremy Corbyn: Liz Kendall, Yvette Cooper and Andy Burnham, have chosen to ignore the will of the people, who buy their lunches, in favour of banishing the party to the wilderness of meaningless opposition for the rest of eternity. They are nailing their hopes on the next world, where the party elite will get to choose the right sort of voters in general elections, rather than the other way round. Even if you disagree with the logic, you have to admire their spirited determination.

I know there will those of you asking who exactly the real morons are by now. But that would be doing the average moron, trying to go about his business, a grave injustice.

So what is the best answer to an apparently insurmountable problem? One bright spark suggested that people, who follow their heart by voting Corbyn for leader, should have a heart transplant. Never known for his sharp wit, Tony Blair is regarded by most Labour voters as Satan’s emissary on Earth. That begs the question what sort of lunatics would think of appealing for support from a man whose face is pinned to dartboards all over Britain. Extremely desperate ones.

For only extremely desperate lunatics would remove the stake from the heart of Blairism by the dark of a moonless night. Yet in a suicidal display of reckless abandon, the Labour elite has offered its members yet another generation of limitless Blairism to counter Corbyn’s promise of an end to austerity. Anybody with even half a moron’s brain to transplant would realise was not the most sensible move to make in a crisis.

To demonstrate their unswerving loyalty to Beelzebub, a swivel-eyed Blair, visibly in need of yet more human blood, was wheeled out to tell us how bad an idea electing Corbyn would be. Doesn’t he understand most Labour voters are still trying to get over how bad an idea electing Tony Blair was?

It’s high time the Labour Party gave up playing the role of the mugs called in to clean up the mess after the Tory shit hits the fan, and started behaving like the socialist party the country needs. Shit sticks. Maybe some Labour members are morons, but they most likely comprise the right-leaning, centre-left-wing dither faction of the party, who tend to see Labour government as a brief rest from the sound thrashing they deserve from the Tories.

The reality is, if we take out closet Tory Blair – someone please do – the party’s record on choosing successful election winners is nothing worth boasting about. From such dismal results we can suppose the leading lights of Labour Party have evolved into masters of manipulating ballots that only lead to getting Tories into Downing Street.

Copyright © 2015 Bryan Hemming

My apologies in advance to Jeremy Corbyn. I couldn’t resist ending with the little video. At the same time, hearty thanks to Juanito Campanero and Cybion for a great night, with special thanks to Fernando on bass.

Apparently, this video doesn’t exist, yet it does. Breaking no laws whatosever, this video has been removed for some reason. I will try to find out.

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7 comments on “While others moan and rant, Jeremy Corbyn rocks

  1. Nil
    August 9, 2015

    A nice look into the UK 🙂
    I love the definition of insanity, by the way 😀

    Like

  2. Laura Bloomsbury
    August 6, 2015

    so good to have some debate lighting up the blogosphere rather than just trolling or anodyne likes. Politicians are indeed like fast food which is why I find it hard to stomach most of them – Corbyn is not as finger lickin good as Frank Field methinks.
    p.s what are the lyrics of the song – am learning Spanish and thought I detected ‘I want’ but was not sure what was wanted – other than perhaps the link to your compositions!

    Like

    • Bryan Hemming
      August 6, 2015

      Don’t ask me what he’s singing, I can’t even work out the lyrics to English songs! All I can say is that he starts with something unintelligible, then sings “En mi cabeza, (In my head) No puedo mas (I can’t (take any) more)” then he sings something else that would take a bit of listening to to work out, before singing “Yo quiero mas, yo quiero mas, (I want more, I want more)” so you’re spot on with that bit. I think I’m getting a headache.

      Five minutes later, and I tracked it down through working out what the title must be, which is ‘No puedo vivir sin ti’ (I can’t live without you). In the version I filmed, Juanito Campanero (the vocalist) sings in a Conileños accent, which isn’t easy to understand. The Youtube version by Los Ronaldos is far easier. The link I found has the words. Makes me wonder why I didn’t go there in the first place. So, here you are: No puedo vivir sin ti

      You might have fun with your Spanish class, seeing if they can understand the first version before listening to the second.

      Like

  3. Laura Bloomsbury
    August 6, 2015

    you write some incisory political posts Bryan and with a humour that would brighten any morning paper. Especially interesting to read the facts about Labour’s success or not at the polls under various leaders.
    Disagree with your conclusions however – Corbyn’s mantra of ‘prioritising the needs of the poor and the human rights of all’ is a sound byte downwind of the theory of relativity (and I speak as one of the downtrodden pensioners) That biblical phrase went out with the poor laws and many of us in the UK are rather sick of human rights as we lose more and more to yet another petty law from the European Leviathan. Apparently we are not sick of the Right.- figuring it’s better to eat anti-austerity breadcrumbs than to starve together in a socialist breadline, After all, we are a nation of individuals now – media morons mostly, but with your turn of phrase, not to mention your musical talents, I’d probably vote for you as Labour leader.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Bryan Hemming
      August 6, 2015

      Thanks so much for the compliments, Laura, they make me glow all over.

      I’m more than happy for others to express their opinions on my blog, as it gives us all a chance to expand the debate.

      For me, the main problem is the yardstick, by which we are supposed to measure our politicians, has become too short. Much as I depised Gerald Nabarro – whose daughter Sarah I happened to be acquainted with – you knew what you were getting with him. And the same can be said for people like Dennis Skinner today. But he is one of the last of a dying breed.

      Perhaps I’m wrong, but I like to think Jeremy Corbyn is cut from the same cloth. At the very least I would prefer the opportunity to be proved wrong about him, rather than to have Liz Kendall, Yvette Cooper or Andy Burnham to prove me right about them, if you see what I mean.

      Politicians have been transformed into consumer products, as, more and more, we being asked to choose between the equivalents of McDonald’s and Burger King or Pepsi and Coke.

      By the way, just in case you thought I was, I’m not a member of the band; I just made the video. The singer is the pueblo’s bellringer. But I do play the guitar and sing. There is a terrible video of me somewhere on youtube, ranting and raving while I strum one of my own compositons, but I’m not going to disclose the URL. I think I already made the mistake of doing that somewhere else on my blog.

      Like

  4. Colltales
    July 31, 2015

    This fear that someone with such a low profile would be capable of destabilizing their status quo as a second banana with benefits, being the actual PM be damned, has been Labour’s default, and coward, position of lately. That and an absolute lack of clues about economic policy, but never mind that now. I don’t know much about Corbyn (thanks for the video, though), but if Blair is against him, he may be worth rallying behind. Let’s just hope he shows what Labour has been missing for some time: cojones (sorry Gordon Brown, it’s not the same thing). At the same time, it shouldn’t surprise too many the fact that the Tories continue to hold power, despite their cruel and elitist politics; their strategy is exactly to squeeze out of working stiffs their ability to make a difference or even believe in electoral politics. There may be a parallel with the 2-year long presidential campaign going on the other side of the pond, but I’m not prepared to make it at this point. In the meantime, I’m keeping this post for future reference: it’s so lucid that even people like me get it. Thanks Bryan.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bryan Hemming
      July 31, 2015

      I’m keeping my eyes on the primaries and expecting a lof of skulduggery from both sides. But I’ve got one eye on a particular runner as you probably have.

      Liked by 1 person

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