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“Miliband is a f *****g c**t!” Not my words, nor do I necesarily agree with them, but words issued from Downing Street by a spokesman for David Cameron, the British Prime Minister. They were used to describe the leader of the opposition, after the Tories lost a vote in British Parliament to kill more Syrians because hundreds of Syrians had supposedly been killed by the wrong Syrians in the wrong way. Killing lots more Syrians was the answer the politicians came up with. No matter that there is increasing evidence that those blamed for the deaths weren’t actually responsible. But that’s not what I’m writing about today.
Over the last few years I have often added my voice to the comments sections of newspapers, particularly The Guardian and The Independent. Both papers have a group of people, who they call moderators, whose business seems to be stopping ordinary people from expressing the same sort of opinions in the same sort of language journalists and politicians increasingly use every day.
The Tory Party in Britain has such a widespread reputation for insulting the voters it is often referred to as the ‘Nasty Party’. The unemployed, the old, single mothers, the ill and the disabled are frequently referred to as ‘skivers’ and ‘scroungers’ even though the majority have paid their taxes all their lives until they met with misfortune. Which is more than can be said for a lot of MPs in the Houses of Parliament, who are well-known for cheating the public purse out of thousands, and stashing inheritances and profits in tax-free havens. It might be added the misfortunes suffered by these victims have usually been caused by the politicians themselves, or their friends.
But neither is that the real point of this piece.
There are times my perverse nature leads me to test these self-styled moderators, to see how hypocritical they are regarding the masses, who contribute towards their incomes, as opposed to the bosses and political masters they yearn to slime up to.
I don’t even remember exactly what the article was about, just yet another Guardian example of Tories insulting the most vulnerable in society. So, knowing it would be removed, I commented: “The only tory worth more than a pint of piss is a lavatory.” It was removed within a few minutes. The puritanical pricks have become so predictable with their petty censorship as to be boring.
Nevertheless, bearing in mind the headline of this article, I fail to see on what grounds the comment was removed. But I can try.
Has the Conservative Party become extra sensitive when it comes the question of urine? Are they having trouble in that department? Don’t they know one of the other functions of c***ts is to piss? They didn’t mind calling Miliband a ‘copper-bottomed shit’ at the same time they called him a f*****g c**t. And neither was the journalist, who reported it, moderated. So calling a politician a shit is okay, but comparing politicians with a pint of piss isn’t. Perhaps a pint was too much, and I should’ve said half a pint? Then again, perhaps it was to little, and I should’ve said a gallon? Or a tanker load?
It could even be that most moderators are would-be, or failed, journalists jealous they didn’t think of it first. The Guardian itself had no compunction about publishing the ‘f’ and ‘c’ words in full, in their article entitled: David Cameron accused Ed Miliband of ‘siding with Russia’ over Syria
Even if a moderator were to be so arrogant, as to moderate it on a grammatical, or correct usage, issue, isn’t piss a word, which is commonly used instead of urine by many ordinary, decent, hardworking people? In many countries, even England, a pint of piss refers to a pint of beer in the vernacular. Or is the offending word lavatory?
Admittedly, I have some problem with lavatory, never sure whether I’m supposed to say it, or toilet, in polite company. I’ve been corrected so many times I’ve become confused. “Beg your pardon, vicar, I’m not sure whether I should said lavatory or toilet, but I’m dying for a piss, so where’s the shithouse?”
Next time, I suppose I ought to write, “The only Conservative worth more than a jar of plum conserve is a conservatory,” or “The only Tory worth more than a thimblefull of eau de toilette is a water closet tory.” But somehow, they don’t have quite the bite.
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