Bryan Hemming

short stories, comment, articles, humour and photography

Filth, muck and germs

Thinking of all the filth, muck and germs about in medieval times is enough to put me off my breakfast. Well, you do sometimes, don’t you? You don’t? It must be just me, then. It makes me want to vomit, I can tell you.

That’s why it’s advisable not to. Not to think of filth, muck and germs at the breakfast table. But I’m a bit like one of those people who can’t resist talking about mammalian bodily excretions at mealtimes.  You know, disgusting, smelly stuff leaking out of assorted holes. As soon as they see you pouring gravy over your mashed potoatoes they blurt out how much dog poo there is on the streets these days. And how difficult it is to get off your shoe. Or how it gets all over the carpet before you notice. They might mention how they saw a man picking his nose at the traffic lights when you’re just about to pop a piece of trifle in your mouth. “And he only went and ate it,” they tell you. Read more


5 comments on “Filth, muck and germs

  1. WordsFallFromMyEyes
    October 27, 2012

    OMFG! I thought it was going to be an image, not a newspaper article. That is SO foul. It makes me want to vomit, truly. How do they get to that state, & how do they stay in that state, & thank mercy they were found out.

    Oh sick, sick…


    • Bryan Hemming
      October 27, 2012

      These articles come up from time to time. How they get in that state is simple neglect. After a while it becomes the norm, and the workers don’t notice anymore.


  2. WordsFallFromMyEyes
    October 27, 2012

    I don’t know where people get their statistics either, but now I have an UNFORGETTABLE image of the ‘truth of Frenchmen’. UGH. How do gorgeous, feminine, clean French women endure this??

    Now I’m going to click your link…. eek, better not be too bad… (should have smelled Daniel’s nappies when he was a bub – I LITERALLY dry-retched sometimes!)


    • Bryan Hemming
      October 27, 2012

      I don’t want to perpetuate the Anglos-Saxon image of the unclean Frenchman, expecially when I know Australians and Americans have a rather bad image of the hygiene habits of the English.

      The French seem pretty clean on the whole to me, but then, having travelled a lot in countries where it ain’t so easy to get a good wash all the time, I ain’t quite so fussy as I might appear from my writing, at times. Call it humour-whoring, if you like, someone prepared to stoop to selling myself for a cheap laugh at someone else’s expemse.

      As you know, I’m half-Norwegian, and Scandinavians have a reputation for cleanliness. Well, I can tell you, they aren’t half as clean as they like to make out either.


      • WordsFallFromMyEyes
        October 27, 2012

        Bryan, I wasn’t aware of the Anglo-Saxon image of unclean Frenchman – or Australian & American’ bad image of English hygiene habits!! The whole lot was news to me. I never even imagined Frenchmen to be yikky in the bathroom.

        You haven’t stooped at all, you’ve made your own observations, I’d say.

        I can imagine you travelling…writing….experiencing…. It must have been an awesome time in your life.

        Hope Anji & the young’un are well. Well, he isn’t so young, is he. 16 1/2 is mine… Big wow…


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This entry was posted on October 25, 2012 by in Humour.

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